A realization. A new goal.

After a hard day at work, I am driving back to Salt Lake City. But not quite ready to go home... I am not feeling to good about where I am in my life. How I haven't been happy for quite some time. I was sick of feeling that way. I needed a quick remedy. And the fastest one I know, shopping. I take a detour. I head to my favorite store Lucille Elaine. The relief begins as soon as I walk through the door. I am immediately greeted with cashmere, original jewels, chandeliers, vintage patterned dresses, and fragrances. Everything smells good. Verbena and Rose, Green Tea and Jasmine. The clothes hug me just right. The women there are more than helpful as they help me zip up dress after dress. I get caught in a blur of color and textiles. 300$ later I walk out, bags in hand.

Now this comes the point in the story where most people find buyers remorse. I don't. I have never felt that. I have always considered myself a good shopper. I pull out the clothes that I love, retry them on, show off to my family members (who don't really care, but are nice to pretend to), and carefully stuff them into my already full closet.

This is the second time I have done that this week. 450$ total. And I don't have a good enough job to continue to support me through my bad days.

My sister, Abby, and I share popcorn and a movie later in the week. Confessions of a Shopaholic start to play. As I am watching Isla Fisher drag her fingers across the fabrics, and admire the displays, I know all to well of that feeling. And I slowly watch her fall into debt, and into a miserable life. And I fear for myself! I don't want that to happen to me! I want to enjoy the clothes I have. And I realize I am not too far from redemption.

I plan out my attack plan.

Figure out what is causing me to shop.
I know what I love about shopping. Enough of that has been described through out. But there is a deeper reason. It's what is make me depressed. And that leads back, not to being single (Single just looks so good on me), but to my job. I consider every morning just not living on the days that I work. Even others notice. My sister came to me on my day off and mention, "Jill! You're nice today! Thanks for sitting next to me. And smiling." I realized that I had been a brat, suffocated by work. I have to get out.

Work out a budget.

This isn't nearly as exciting as I wish it was. But it is so necessary. I have a fantastic Daddy who has shown me the best way to control my spending habits. Time to get back on the boat. With this next pay check, I will still shop. But only to what my budget allows. It'll be okay. I can do this. I have before. I just need a refresher. If I plan on being rich and famous, it's time to start now.

I'm sure this particular blog isn't so exciting to read. But it is more self help for me. Here it is in writing. That I will budget my money. And that I will find a new job. And from there, I know I will progress and find my smile again.

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